


Maybe Maybe

by my_mad_fatuation



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-07-14 08:03:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7161608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_mad_fatuation/pseuds/my_mad_fatuation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rae meets Finn, who is Izzy’s new step-brother, and they don’t get along very well. Or do they?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe Maybe

I’m a bit torn on sleepovers, personally. One the one hand, it’s fun to hang out with friends and all that, but on the other, they can get a bit intense. Especially big sleepover parties as a kid; there’s always one girl who has to get driven home at midnight because she’s crying and/or sick—and that girl was usually me.  
But there is something cool about the way you bond with your friends at a sleepover. For some reason you can tell each other things that you just wouldn’t in the light of day. Confess secrets and share stories.  
When it’s your two best mates in the entire world, though, sometimes you run out of secrets to confess.  
Chloe and I were spending the night at Izzy’s house—we hadn’t been to her place since she moved. She and her mum moved in with her new step-dad about a month ago, though the newlyweds were on their honeymoon now. (They didn’t go right after the wedding because they were settling into their new home.)  
Us girls were in the house by ourselves, since Izzy’s new step-brother was still out with his friends. I’d never met him but Izzy said he mostly kept to himself anyway. It was nice having the place to ourselves, though, because we could turn up the music and dance around the main floor.  
“I am so ready for college to start soon,” Chloe said once we had finished dancing and were sitting on the floor drinking Izzy’s parents’ liquor.  
“What are you talking about?” I asked.  
“I just mean summer can get a bit boring, you know?” she said. “You don’t really get to meet new people that much.”  
“Ah,” I said knowingly. “You mean you don’t get to meet cute boys that much.”  
“My step-brother’s mates are pretty cute,” Izzy said, perking up a little. “I’ve sort of got my eye on one of them, actually…”  
“Oh my god, tell us!” said Chloe.  
Izzy told us about a boy called Chop, who worked at a garage and had an adorable gap-toothed smile, apparently. “And his friend Archie is quite fit as well,” she added.  
“Is he in the year ahead of us, too?” Chloe asked.  
Izzy nodded.  
“Good, I like older men.”  
“I’ll say,” I snorted, before I realized I shouldn’t have said that.  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
“Uh, I just meant we all do, don’t we?”  
“Boys our age are just so…” said Izzy.  
“Immature,” said Chloe. “I want someone with some experience, y’know?”  
I laughed sarcastically.  
“Rae, you’ll meet someone some day,” she said, rubbing me on the back.  
“Yeah? How? Boys don’t like fat girls,” I huffed.  
“They just worry that their mates are gonna take the piss if they date a bigger girl. It’s not right, but that’s how it is. It’s not your fault.”  
(Gee, thanks, Chloe. That makes me feel so much better. Ugh.)  
“So,” she continued, turning to Izzy, “when do we get to meet these guys?”  
“Well, he’s having a party on Saturday, and they’ll probably be there…”  
“Can we come, then?”  
Before Izzy could answer, the front door opened. A boy walked in and looked at us, confused.  
“Finn,” Izzy said to him. “These are my friends, Chloe and Rae.”  
“Yeah, alright,” he said, walking through the room to get to the stairs.  
“Is it alright if they come on Saturday?” she asked.  
He stopped and looked at her. “What?”  
“Just, if you don’t want me to tell our parents you’re having a party, you should at least let me have a couple of my own friends over.”  
“I don’t want to be babysitting you lot all night.”  
“We’re sixteen! We’re not children.”  
“Fine, just don’t get in the way, alright?” He continued up the steps and I heard a door slam shut.  
“Well, he’s pleasant,” I said, dripping with sarcasm.  
“He’s not that bad to look at, though, is he?” said Chloe.  
“Chloe, he’s got the personality of a cactus.”  
“Huh?”  
“He’s prickly.”  
“You’re allowed to be prickly when you look like him.”  
“Oh. Good to know.” I rolled my eyes.  
***  
We moved our little gathering up to Izzy’s bedroom so we could get in our sleeping bags and chat a little more before going to bed. We played some “Marry, Shag, Kill” for a while but the alcohol was making us drowsy and we eventually fell asleep.  
Well, the others fell asleep—I was lying awake debating whether or not to go use the toilet. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to find it in the dark, since I’d never been in this house before. When I realized I couldn’t sleep until I went, I got up and crept out of the room.  
The first door I opened was actually Izzy’s parents’ bedroom, so I was glad they weren’t there, but I found the bathroom on the second try. I got turned around, however, and started heading the wrong way down the hall on my way out.  
I didn’t realize my mistake until I approached the door that I thought was Izzy’s and heard music coming from inside. It sounded familiar. I pressed my ear up to the door so I could hear it better. I liked this song.  
I nearly fell sideways, though, when the door opened suddenly. I stumbled but a pair of arms steadied me. I looked up and saw that the arms belonged to Izzy’s step-brother, Finn. Well, this was embarrassing.  
“What are you doing?” he asked, letting go of me.  
“Sorry,” I said. “I just, I heard music and I thought… That’s the new Suede single, yeah?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Did you buy it, then?”  
“Nah, I just recorded it off the radio onto cassette,” he explained. “I’m waiting for the album release.”  
“Cool, me too.”  
“I’ll turn it down, though.”  
“No, it’s not bothering us. I only heard it because I came down the wrong end of the hallway…” Great, I sounded like an idiot.  
“Alright, well…” He started to close the door when I realized I was standing in the way and I took a step back.  
“Goodnight,” I said.  
“Yeah.”  
***  
_“Maybe, maybe it’s the things we say,  
The words we’ve heard and the music we play,  
Maybe it’s our cheapness”_  
“You must really like this song,” I said to Finn as I stood outside his bedroom door, which was slightly ajar.  
“What are you doing here?” he asked, sitting up on his bed.  
“I’m here for the party.”  
“The party’s not for three hours.”  
“Izzy said we could come early to help her get ready.”  
“Get ready for what?”  
“You wouldn’t understand.”  
“You’re right.” He stood up and walked to the door. “And I wouldn’t care.”  
He shut the door in my face. For someone with cool taste in music, he was quite a prick.  
I joined the girls back in Izzy’s room where we helped her pick out the perfect outfit and hairstyle to attract this Chop fellow’s attention.  
“Can I do your makeup, Rae?” Chloe asked when she’d finished with Izzy.  
“Uh, no,” I laughed.  
“Why not?”  
“I’m not here to impress anyone.”  
“You never know who might show up, though, right?”  
“I’m fine.”  
“Suit yourself.”  
We heard people start to arrive, so we made our way downstairs so Izzy could introduce us to Finn’s cute friends when they got there.  
“Oh, there they are!” Izzy said, pointing to a couple lads talking to Finn in the kitchen.  
We went in, acting like we were just there to get some drinks even though we were totally there to ogle the boys.  
“The one on the right,” Izzy whispered to us, “that’s Chop. And the one with the glasses, that’s Archie.”  
“Hmm, not bad,” said Chloe. She flicked her hair behind her shoulder and held her head high as she walked over to them.  
I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but I saw her laugh and touch Archie’s arm. Flirting just came so easily to her.  
“Aren’t you going to get yours?” I said to Izzy, giving her a nudge.  
“I can’t do that,” she said. “I’m not like Chloe—she’s so pretty and confident. I can’t just walk up to a boy like that.”  
“Izzy, you are just as pretty as Chloe, and you’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met,” I said. “Anyone would be happy to meet you.”  
She smiled shyly and took a sip of her drink.  
“I’ll talk to him for ya, then.” I took a step towards him but she stopped me.  
“Rae!” she hissed.  
“If you don’t do it, I will.” I had no problem talking to boys—I never worried about whether or not they liked me because I just knew they didn’t, so it took a lot of the pressure off. I couldn’t flirt, of course, but I could make conversation.  
“Fine. Come with me.”  
I followed her over where she introduced me to Finn’s friends. Finn didn’t seem too impressed with that.  
“You girls having a good time, then?” Chop asked us.  
Izzy gave a small nod.  
“I dunno,” I said loudly. “It’s a little boring, actually. And the music leaves something to be desired, yeah?”  
Finn made a sour expression and I smirked.  
“Ohoho, those are fightin’ words, aren’t they, Finn?” said Chop.  
Finn leaned against the kitchen counter and drank his beer silently.  
“You know what this party needs, don’t you?” Chop said to the rest of us. “We need to play a game to get everyone loosened up.”  
“What kind of game?” asked Chloe.  
“We’ll need an empty wine bottle…”  
“Oh, I think we have some by the back door, hold on,” said Izzy. She returned a moment later with a bottle in hand.  
I didn’t really want to play Spin the Bottle, but Izzy and Chloe urged me to join as a small group of interested party-goers followed Chop up to Finn’s bedroom.  
Finn turned on his stereo, playing whatever cassette was already in there. It started in the middle of Oasis’ “Champagne Supernova.” The rest of us sat in a roughly circular shape on the floor and Chop put the bottle in the middle.  
“The game,” he said, “is Seven Minutes in Heaven meets Spin the Bottle.”  
Oh, shit. That was so much worse than normal Spin the Bottle.  
“Now, seven minutes is a really long time, so you’ll really only be going into the cupboard for two minutes—but a lot can happen in two minutes,” he continued. “And if we hear talking, the clock restarts.”  
First to go in were Chloe and Archie. She went in eagerly but came out looking dejected.  
“What happened?” I asked quietly.  
“We kissed,” she whispered.  
“…And?”  
“And that’s it. He didn’t try to touch me or anything.”  
“Maybe he was just being respectful.”  
“Yeah, whatever.”  
Next up were a couple of guys I didn’t know. Everyone laughed and one slapped the other on the bum jokingly as they went in. They made a bunch of fake orgasmic sounds from inside the cupboard until they were let out.  
This whole game was so juvenile.  
I nearly choked on my beverage when the bottle landed on me. I had sort of forgotten that I, by being in the room, was playing too. Bollocks, I was going to have go in there with some person I didn’t know and—  
The bottle landed on Finn next. Just perfect, Mr. Grumpy Pants.  
We got a few laughs as we went in, too, probably because the idea of anyone doing anything with me was completely laughable.  
A new song began as soon as the door shut. I could barely make it out.  
_“Maybe, maybe it’s the clothes we wear,  
The tasteless bracelets and the dye in our hair,  
Maybe it’s our kookiness.”_  
“How many times is this song on there?” I asked with a laugh.  
“A couple,” he said. I could hear the hint of a smile in his voice.  
“I’ll forgive you for that one. It’s a good song.”  
“I thought you said the music at this party left something to be desired.”  
“Well, maybe it’s not all bad.”  
There was a knock at the door. “No talking!” said Chop from the other side. “I’ve reset the clock, you’ve got two more minutes.”  
This was something I didn’t know how to do. I knew how to talk to boys, just have a casual chat, but I didn’t know how to not talk to boys. I hated awkward silences.  
“Sorry about him,” Finn said, leaning towards me so he could whisper in my ear. “He’s a bit of a dick sometimes.”  
“’S’alright.” I could smell the beer on his breath.  
_“But we’re tra-a-ash, you and me,  
We’re the litter on the breeze,  
We’re the lovers on the streets”_  
I bopped my head slightly to the music.  
“You know, I could make you a copy of this, if you want,” he said.  
I shrugged. “Yeah, cool, whatever.”  
“So… should we just…?”  
I gave him a quizzical expression but it was probably too dark to see it.  
The next thing I knew, his face was on mine and we were kissing. Whoa. I mean, I guess that’s what we came in here for, but still. Surprising. (I thought he hated me.) (Maybe he does but it’s all the same in the dark?)  
Before I could even mentally adjust to the fact that he was kissing me, there was another knock at the door.  
“Alright, lad and lass,” said Chop. “Get on out here!”  
Finn took a step back and I straightened out my top just as the door opened.  
“So?” Chloe asked me eagerly when I sat back next to her. “What happened?”  
“Oh, uh, nothing.”  
“Sorry, babes.”  
“No big deal,” I lied.  
***  
Chloe and I spent the night again, as did a few of Finn’s friends, who crashed on the floor of the living room. The girls and I tried to clean up a little bit around them in the morning, but we figured we’d leave most of the work for Finn since it was his party.  
I excused myself to go to the toilet while Izzy made us some tea, but when I got out of the bathroom, Finn was standing in the doorway of his room.  
“May, c’m’ere,” he said, motioning with his head for me to approach.  
“It’s Rae,” I said, annoyed.  
“What?”  
“My name is Rae, not May.”  
“Oh, right. Sorry. Anyway, I’ve got something for you.” He turned and went back into his room, so I approached the doorway. He came back with a cassette in hand. “Here.”  
“What’s this?” I asked as I took it from him.  
“’Trash,’” he said. “I put a couple other songs on there I thought you might like as well.”  
“Oh, thanks.”  
“No problem.” He started to close the door and I realized I was in the way again so I stepped back.  
“Alright. Bye,” I said sarcastically to the door.  
***  
I was nervous for my first day of college. But I had my girls with me. We walked in with our arms linked, ready to face whatever came our way.  
“Oh my god!” said Chloe. “This can’t be happening.”  
I looked over and saw that there was a girl wearing the exact same dress as her. “Oh, Chlo… It’s not that big a deal. It looks better on you anyway.”  
“Everyone will think I’m unoriginal now,” she whined. “How am I going to be popular if I don’t stand out?”  
“Maybe you don’t have to be popular,” I said, more like a question than a statement.  
“What? And have no social life?”  
“What about me an’ Izzy?”  
“I mean a social life with boys.”  
“Oh, of course.”  
We split up for our classes, but met up again at lunchtime.  
“Alright, that’s the second girl I’ve seen wearing this dress,” said Chloe, slamming her lunch tray down on the table.  
“It still looks better on you,” Izzy said reassuringly.  
“I’ll be right back, yeah?” I said when I spotted Finn sitting a few tables over. I went to thank him for the cassette. I’d already listened to it a bunch of times and loved all the songs on it.  
“Yeah, alright, whatever,” he said without looking up at me.  
“Well, let me know if I can return the favour some time,” I said.  
“It’s not a big deal, I just pushed a couple buttons on a stereo. You aren’t indebted to me or anything.”  
“Fine, then.” I turned to Chop and Archie. “Good to see you again,” I said before walking away in a huff.  
***  
I loved going into the record shop on Mondays to see all the new releases. I couldn’t afford to buy anything, most of the time, but I still liked looking around, and the shop owner didn’t seem to care. He was pretty laid back.  
On this particular occasion, however, I had a purchase in mind—the new Suede album. I went up to the front where the new releases were on display, when I saw a familiar figure standing by the vinyl. Oh great, _him_.  
I pretended I didn’t see him and just went and browsed a nearby rack of CDs.  
“Rae?” he said. I could feel him approach me.  
I turned and feigned surprise. “Oh, hiya!”  
“Are you here for this as well?” He held up a vinyl copy of Suede’s _Coming Up_.  
“Yeah, but I’m getting the CD,” I said sheepishly.  
“The vinyl sounds way better,” he said.  
“I haven’t got a record-player, so…”  
“You should come ‘round and listen to it properly, then.”  
“Uh, sure…”  
“I’ll just pay for this and then we can go, yeah? Unless you’re still browsing.”  
“You mean I should come over now?”  
“Yeah, why not?”  
“But, Izzy’s at her dance class now.”  
He half-smiled. “Why does that matter?”  
“I’ve just, I’ve never been to Izzy’s house without her there before.”  
“It’s not like you’re breaking in,” he said. “I do have a key. I live there too.”  
“Yeah, you’re right,” I said, shaking my head. “That was stupid.”  
“Come on.”  
We made our purchases and I walked with him back to his and Izzy’s house.  
“D’you want anything?” he asked as I stepped inside. “I’m making myself some tea.”  
“What kind have you got?” I followed him into the kitchen where he opened a cupboard that was nearly overflowing with boxes of tea. “Earl Grey, I guess.”  
“Here,” he said, handing me the bag with his album inside. “Take this upstairs and I’ll bring our tea up when it’s ready.”  
It felt weird going into his room without him there—actually, it would have felt weird with him there as well. The only reason it wasn’t weird at the party was because there were a whole bunch of us, and I was a little tipsy.  
I set the bag down on a shelf next to his turntable and stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. I didn’t know where I should sit.  
He came in a few minutes later with a couple of steaming mugs in his hands. “They’re still really hot, so I’m just going to put them down here,” he said, placing them on his desk. “You know you can sit if you want.” He gestured towards the bed.  
I dropped my bag gently to the floor and perched at the edge of the mattress with my hands on my knees as he put the record on.  
_“Maybe, maybe it’s the clothes we wear.”_  
I couldn’t help but smile every time I heard this song. It carried some interesting memories with it, to say the least.  
Finn sat next to me on the bed, leaning forward on his elbows. “Isn’t this so much better?” he said.  
“Hmm?”  
“Than a CD.”  
“Oh, yeah. It is.” I couldn’t really tell the difference. It sounded better than a cassette recording off the radio, though.  
He laughed after a few moments.  
“What?”  
“You’re humming along,” he said.  
“No, I’m not!”  
“You are. It’s cute.”  
Um, what? My brain could not understand what was being said at me. The word “cute” was being used in reference to me. Of course, he wasn’t saying that I was cute, at least not physically, but still. I was not used to this.  
“I guess this is kind of our song, isn’t it?” he added.  
“What d’you mean?”  
“It was playing during our first kiss, remember?”  
I laughed nervously. Our first kiss? That made it sound like there were going to be more—oh my god, there were going to be more! I could tell because he tucked my hair behind my ear and moved his face closer to mine.  
He kissed the side of my face first, along my jawline and down my neck. My lips were on fire; I just wanted to put my mouth on his mouth. When he finally lifted his head, I turned to face him and grabbed the opportunity.  
_“Just tra-a-ash, me and you,  
It’s in everything we do,  
It’s in everything we do.”_  
A door slammed shut and we sprang apart.  
“Izzy’s home,” he said, looking worried. “You can’t tell her about this.”  
“What?”  
“She can’t know about this.” He waved his hand in the space between us. “She made me promise I wouldn’t hit on her friends, alright?”  
“Okay…”  
“You can’t tell anyone, yeah?”  
“I won’t,” I said seriously.  
He got up and cracked the door open, peeking out into the hallway. “She’s in her room, so if you go right now you can get out before she sees ya.”  
I hurried out of the room and down the stairs without so much as saying goodbye—and, oh shit, without picking up my bag, which I didn’t realize until I was outside the front of the house. I didn’t want to risk going back in for it so I just went home.  
When I got there I rang up Izzy’s house, hoping that she wouldn’t answer. Her step-dad answered, thankfully, who didn’t know who I was, and I asked to speak to Finn.  
“I left my bag there,” I said when Finn picked up the phone.  
“Who is this?”  
“Who do you think it is? How many girls have left their bag in your room?”  
“Just this week, or…?”  
“Quit being a dickhead and just bring me my bag!”  
“Alright, alright. I can’t bring it right now. I’ll come by ‘round eight, yeah?”  
“Fine.” I gave him my address and hung up.  
I spent the evening watching telly with my mum and step-dad, when normally I would be in my room listening to music, because I wanted to be close to the door when Finn arrived so my mum wouldn’t see him and start asking questions.  
“I’ll get it!” I said when I heard someone at the door. I went to answer it and found Finn standing there with his helmet under one arm and my bag in the other. “Thanks,” I said to him as I took it.  
“Are you sure you didn’t leave it on purpose?” he asked.  
“Why would I leave it on purpose?”  
“So you’d have an excuse to see me again.”  
I smiled sarcastically. “You’re full of yourself, aren’t ya?”  
“You still haven’t heard the rest of the album.”  
“I have my own copy,” I said, holding up my bag.  
“I mean properly,” he said. He switched his helmet to his other arm. “Izzy’s got dance again on Thursday. You should come ‘round then.”  
“I thought you weren’t supposed to hit on her friends.”  
“Now look who’s full of herself.” He smirked for a second. “I’m just talking about listening to some tunes, yeah?”  
“I guess…”  
He stepped back and put his helmet on, going to get on his scooter. He looked back at me and nodded before taking off.  
“Who was that?” said Mum when I came back.  
“Oh, I was just at Izzy’s this afternoon and I left my bag, so her step-brother brought it for me,” I said, showing her the bag in my hand.  
“Well, that was nice of him.”  
“Yeah, I guess.”  
“How is Izzy doing? Is she adjusting to her new family situation?”  
“I think so.” I shrugged. I felt kind of bad that I hadn’t even asked her. “I’ll be up in my room.”  
I went upstairs and put on my new CD right away. The first song played and I couldn’t help but smile a little.  
***  
I wasn’t exactly sure what to do Thursday after school. Was I supposed to go straight to Izzy and Finn’s house? Was I supposed to go home and come over later? Was I supposed to wait for him here and go with him?  
I figured that last one was pretty unlikely, since he didn’t want his step-sister to know we were hanging out. I decided to take a detour through the park on my way there.  
“What took ya so long?” Finn said when I got to his house.  
“I didn’t know what time to come over, so…”  
“Well, get in, then.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me inside. He went to the kitchen and came back out with two cans of beer before heading upstairs, and I followed.  
I took a seat on his bed as he handed me one of the cans. He put the Suede album on again and then sat next to me, popping open his beer.  
“What d’you think, then?” he asked.  
“Of what?” I replied, pausing with the beer halfway to my lips.  
“The album. I assumed you listened to it by now.”  
“Oh, yeah, it’s great.”  
“And that’s just on bloody CD, wait till you hear it now.”  
I narrowed my eyes. “You keep ragging on CDs yet you have three whole shelves of them right there. You’re such a hypocrite.”  
“I was waiting for you to notice,” he laughed.  
“I can’t listen to a thing you say now. You’re such a liar.”  
“I am a liar. I didn’t ask you to come over just to listen to some tunes.”  
“No?”  
“Come on, you’re a clever girl. You know why you’re here.”  
“Is that it, then? You just wanted to make out with me?” I was simultaneously flattered and offended.  
“Not just that. I wanted to hang with ya,” he said. “And, okay, maybe make out a little bit.” He scrunched his face slightly.  
I scoffed to hide the fact that I was amused.  
“You know,” he continued, crawling his fingers along the side of my leg until he reached my hand, “the lads are coming over Saturday to watch a film. You and Chloe could come too, if you like. That way we can hang out together without raising suspicions.”  
“Suspicions of what?”  
“That we’re, you know, whatever…”  
“That we’re…?”  
He squeezed my hand and kissed me again. That wasn’t exactly an answer, but okay.  
“Yeah, alright, then.”  
***  
I had to pretend to not know about Saturday already when Izzy invited me over for a film with her step-brother and his mates. I could tell that she was excited Chop was going to be there, though.  
Chloe and I arrived early again to help Izzy pick out the perfect I-just-threw-this-on-but-look-effortlessly-cool outfit while the boys were out picking up the film we were going to watch.  
I had tried to pick out a similarly cool outfit by myself, but all my outfits were pretty much the same: leggings, denim skirt, t-shirt, flannel. I suppose it didn’t really matter—I’d already snagged my man. (Sort of.)  
The living room had a three-seat sofa and an armchair—us girls took the sofa, so two of the lads had to sit on the floor between us. Finn sat on the floor between me and Chloe, and Chop sat between Chloe and Izzy, while Archie took the armchair. I think Chloe was a bit disappointed to be sitting so far away from him. Her flirting style was more of a close-up magic.  
“Do you mind if I…?” Finn asked me as he leaned on my legs with his arm.  
“Whatever,” I said as indifferently as I could.  
He rested his hand on my knee, which was fine, except that he kept rubbing his thumb in circles and it was driving me mad. I looked over at the others but they didn’t seem to notice. I hoped he wasn’t going to do that through the entire film because it would be highly distracting and also I didn’t want to leave a damp patch on the sofa. Luckily he stopped a few minutes in and only did it sporadically throughout.  
I couldn’t help but notice, however, that Chloe strategically crossed her legs so that her top leg brushed against Finn’s shoulder when she bounced it. (What was she doing with bare legs in September anyway?)  
We watched _Trainspotting_ , which I hadn’t seen yet, though I could tell that the dead baby scene and the toilet scene were going to haunt my nightmares for a while.  
When it was over, Finn offered to make everyone a cuppa—we would have had something stronger, but Finn and Izzy’s parents were upstairs and would have a shit fit if they caught us drinking.  
“May, will you give us a hand?” he said to me as he stood up.  
“It’s Rae,” I said, rolling my eyes. I hoped I wasn’t hamming it up too much.  
“Sorry, Rae.”  
I sneered at him but got up as well and followed him into the kitchen where he snatched my hand and pulled me over towards the larder to kiss me.  
“You could at least say ‘hi’ first,” I said as soon as I got a moment.  
“Sorry, I’ve been wanting to do that all bloody evening.” He smiled. “Hi.”  
I couldn’t help but smile back, as hard as I was trying to grimace.  
“What did you think of the film, then?” he asked.  
“I thought…that you really liked my knee.”  
“Only ‘cause it’s attached to the rest of ya.”  
“Oh, is that what you were after?”  
He slipped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. This was still so surreal to me.  
“We’d better get the kettle on or they’ll start to get suspicious,” I said.  
“You’re no fun.”  
“I never claimed to be.”  
He smirked and kissed me again, just as Archie came through the door.  
“What the hell is this?” he said.  
I jumped back from Finn, who replied, “What are you doing in here?”  
“I was just coming to get a glass of water,” said Archie. “What are you doing in here?”  
“What does it look like?” Finn whispered. “Also, keep your voice down. The others cannot find out about this.”  
“Why not?”  
“’Cause Izzy would kill me, that’s why not.”  
“Alright, well, maybe don’t make out in the middle of the kitchen, then.”  
“Get your water and piss off, mate.”  
“Just try and be a little more discreet next time.”  
***  
Discretion became second nature to us after a few weeks. Finn and I memorized Izzy’s dance schedule so we knew the exact hours on Mondays and Thursdays that were safe for me to come over.  
And sometimes we would just happen to run into each other at the record shop, and it would be rude not to talk to each other, right?  
It was worse when I was over at Izzy’s to visit her. I was so close to him yet I couldn’t be near him without drawing attention. He acted like he found the three of us completely annoying, and I acted like I found his abrasiveness utterly aggravating. Which, to be fair, it was. He was too good at being a prick.  
“Who put this music on?” he said with distaste when he came in one Saturday night that we were having another sleepover.  
“I did,” I said, scowling.  
“Your music taste is trash, May.”  
“For the last time, my name is Rae,” I said through my teeth. He knew how much I legitimately hated being called May. “And how is Weezer trash?”  
“’Buddy Holly?’ Are you kidding me?” he said. “’Oo-ee-oo?’ Those aren’t even lyrics.”  
“Alright, then.” I shook my head.  
“Trash.” He winked at me when the other girls weren’t looking and I stuck out my tongue.  
“Just leave us alone, Finn,” said Izzy. “I don’t bother you when your friends are over.”  
He took a seat in the armchair. “Yes, you do. You’re always hangin’ around.”  
“But I make you food and stuff. I’m helpful. You’re just obnoxious.”  
“Well, if that’s what you think…” He reached down into his backpack and pulled out a six-pack of beer. “I guess I won’t be sharing these with ya.”  
“You’re not obnoxious, Finn,” Chloe said quickly. “These two are just a bit immature, y’know.”  
“Chloe!” said Izzy indignantly.  
“I am older than you, Iz. It’s not your fault that you’re not as mature.”  
He shoved the beer back in his bag when his dad came down the stairs. “Well, I’m beat, so I think I’ll just go up to my room.”  
“Yeah, we should probably get ready for bed, too,” Chloe said with a nod.  
I took my CD out of the stereo and put it in my bag before following the girls upstairs. Finn came into Izzy’s room with us for a minute and pulled out three cans of beer for us.  
“That’s so sweet of you,” Chloe said to him, touching him on the arm.  
“Yeah, no problem.” He slung his bag over his shoulder. “Now I don’t wanna hear your trash music tonight, so keep it down.”  
“You keep your trash music down, then,” I said.  
He sneered as he left the room and I suppressed a smile.  
***  
I waited until the other girls were asleep before I snuck out of the room and tiptoed down the hall to Finn’s door. I rapped with my fingertips until he opened it.  
He stuck his head out, looked around to make sure nobody could see us, and pulled me inside, shutting the door behind us. “Hi,” he said after he kissed me.  
“Hi.”  
“You want another drink, girl?” he asked quietly.  
“No, I just wanted to say hi.”  
“Oh, is that all?”  
“Why, what else would I come all the way over here for?”  
He shrugged and reached behind the nape of his neck, lifting off his shirt.  
“Jesus,” I muttered. He was so perfect.  
He hooked his index fingers under the hem of my Care Bears t-shirt and drew me closer. “Hi.”  
“Hi again.”  
“You don’t need this, do you?” he said before lifting my shirt off as well.  
***  
“Just to be clear,” I said as we both got dressed again, “this is not why I came over here.”  
Finn smiled. “Noted.”  
“Anyway, I should probably get back before anyone notices I’m gone.”  
He gave me one last kiss before checking that the coast was clear out in the hallway. As soon as I snuck out, however, the bathroom door opened and Chloe spotted me.  
“Where were you?” she whispered at me as I approached her.  
“I just went downstairs to get some water,” I said.  
“Then why were you at that end of the hallway?”  
“I, uh, got turned around when I came back.”  
“Were you talking to Finn?” She narrowed her eyes at me then gasped. “Oh my god, did you have sex with him?!”  
“What? No!”  
“Your face is pink and you have messed up hair.”  
“No, I don’t!” I smoothed my hand down the back of my head.  
“I can’t believe you had”—she looked around to make sure no one was listening—“ _sex_ with Izzy’s brother!”  
“Step-brother.”  
“Still. I thought you hated him.”  
“I do. And I didn’t…do it…with him.”  
“Why are you lying to me, Rae? I thought we were best mates.”  
I sighed. “You can’t let Izzy find out, alright?”  
“Are you serious?”  
“He promised her he wouldn’t date any of her friends—“  
“Wait, how long has this been going on?”  
“A few weeks.”  
“So for a few weeks you’ve been lying to me?”  
“We’ve been lying to everyone, Chloe. Izzy cannot find out!”  
“Fine, I won’t tell her, just…”  
“Just what?”  
“I’m just surprised, is all.” She folded her arms. “I didn’t think you were the type.”  
“The type of what?”  
“The type of girl who has a meaningless fling.”  
“It’s not a meaningless fling.”  
“No? What could you two possibly have in common?”  
I thought for a moment. “We like the same music,” I suggested.  
“You call each other’s music trash.”  
“That’s just our little joke because we both like the song ‘Trash’ by Suede.”  
She looked at me like she had no idea what I was talking about.  
“And we have fun hanging out together.”  
“So, does he, like, take you out and stuff?”  
“Well, no, not really.”  
“So you’re not really dating, then.”  
“Yes we are!”  
“Dating involves actually going out and being seen together, Rae. I hate to say it, but I wonder if he’s…”  
“If he’s…?”  
“If he’s embarrassed to be seen with ya. You know how guys are.”  
What? How fucking dare she?  
I went downstairs in a huff just to get away from her, and wound up falling asleep on the sofa. How did such a great night turn so shitty so fast?  
***  
“Fancy seeing you here,” Finn said to me in the morning when he came downstairs and found me lying on the sofa.  
“Ugh.” I sat up and wiped the drool from the side of my face. “I had a little run-in with Chloe in the hallway last night and it did not go well.”  
“Did she catch you…?”  
“Yeah, she figured out what was going on. She says she won’t tell Izzy but I don’t know if I believe her.”  
He sat down next to me. “Shit.”  
“That’s not why I’m upset, though.”  
“What is it, then?” he asked, resting his hand on my leg.  
“She said…ugh. She said the reason we don’t go out places together is because you’re embarrassed to be seen with me.”  
“Why would I be embarrassed to be seen with ya?”  
“Because I’m…you know…?”  
He shook his head.  
“She said that boys don’t want to date big girls because they’re afraid their mates will take the piss.”  
“That,” he said, “is an idiotic reason not to date someone.”  
“So that’s not the reason…?”  
“No, I told ya, Izzy would kill me.”  
“Why does she care so much what you do?”  
“I don’t think she thinks too highly of me, to be honest.”  
“What makes you say that?”  
He wavered a bit before telling me. “Just after we moved here, she saw me talking to my ex and I was maybe not at my best. But, you’ve got to believe me, my ex was not a nice person and she deserved everything I said to her, I just probably still shouldn’t have said it.”  
“So, you were shitty to your ex and Izzy thinks that means you’d be shitty to all women, yeah?”  
“I’m guessing.”  
“Well, she can’t just tell you who you can and can’t date, right?”  
“Uh, I sort of did the same to her, though…”  
“What d’you mean?”  
“I told my friends they weren’t allowed date her either.”  
“Why would you do that?”  
“I didn’t want her hangin’ around all the time, or having it so one of my mates couldn’t come ‘round if they split up or summat.”  
“Does she know this?”  
“I don’t think so.”  
“You’re both ridiculous.”  
“What’re you two doing down here?” asked Izzy when she came down the stairs, followed closely by Chloe.  
“Oh, uh, I was awake so I thought I’d just hang out down here ‘till you got up,” I said.  
“Together?” she said.  
“No, I was just here by myself and then he appeared and started hounding me about my taste in music.”  
“Leave her alone, Finn.”  
Chloe just pouted at me. “I’d have thought you were talking about all your common interests,” she said.  
“What common interests?” I laughed.  
“You both like Suede, don’t ya?”  
“Alright. One band. Big deal. He listens to fucking Babylon Zoo.”  
“You’re the one who likes Weezer, for Christ’s sake!” he said to me.  
“You two fight like a married couple,” said Chloe.  
“Don’t be gross,” I said.  
“You think I’m gross, do ya?” he said to me.  
“I could never marry someone as pigheaded as you!”  
“I could never marry someone with such bad taste in music!”  
“Enough, guys! Do I need to physically separate you two?” said Izzy.  
“You might have to,” Chloe said. “Though I can’t tell if they’re gonna fight or kiss.”  
“Very funny, Chloe,” I sneered.  
She flashed a condescending smile.  
“Don’t you have friends of your own you can bother?” Izzy said to Finn. “I thought you were supposed to be hanging out with Chop today.”  
“That’s not ‘till later,” he said. “Wait, when did I tell you I was doing that?”  
“I dunno, the other day.”  
“We only made plans yesterday…”  
“Then you told me yesterday, I guess.”  
He eyed her suspiciously as he got up from his seat and headed upstairs.  
“So,” Chloe said, taking over his spot on the sofa next to me. “What was all that about?”  
“What was what about?” I said.  
“Well, he didn’t come down here and sit right beside you just to pester you, did he?”  
“Apparently he did.”  
“It’s just weird, isn’t it? That you two hate each other so much, but rather than just avoid you, he came and sat right next to you. You were practically touching.”  
“No, we weren’t.”  
“I’ll have a word with him later about leaving you alone,” Izzy said.  
“Thanks.”  
***  
Finn and I had to be more careful than ever. Monday and Thursday afternoons were all fun and games, but the rest of the time was snide comments in the halls at school and evil glares from across the table when us girls met up at the pub with him and his mates.  
“What are you doing here?” he asked us as we sat down with them.  
“We were just in the area and thought we’d stop in,” Izzy said defensively. “It’s not like we knew you were going to be here.”  
Except I did know they were going to be there because Finn told me so.  
“You’re too young to be in here, anyway,” he added.  
“Yeah, well, Chop can get us served.” She flashed Chop a small smile.  
“That I can, m’dear,” he said. We placed our orders with him and he went to fetch them.  
I accidentally bumped Finn in the arm as I was taking off my jacket.  
“Watch it!” he snapped. “You’re gonna make me spill my drink.”  
“Sor-ry,” I said sarcastically.  
“Here ya go,” Chop said when he brought our drinks. He set them on the table and gave Izzy a small squeeze on the shoulder before noticing himself and sitting down.  
I looked at Izzy curiously and she seemed to get embarrassed. Before I could say anything, though, I felt something on the top of my thigh—Finn was tracing a question mark on my leg with his finger under the table. I tried to nod as subtly as I could so as not to draw attention to myself. But I agreed that Chop’s behaviour towards Izzy was unusual.  
“Alright, this isn’t fun anymore,” Chloe said all of a sudden, putting down her drink with a thunk. She turned to Archie. “We should just say something, yeah?”  
Archie gave her the “don’t look at me” face as he took a sip of his pint.  
“They’re all being ridiculous,” she added, looking around the table at the rest of us.  
I had no idea what she was on about.  
“Finn,” she said, “Chop and Izzy have been dating for three weeks now.”  
Izzy appeared shocked that Chloe would say this.  
“What?” said Finn, looking over at his friend in disbelief. “I told you not to do that!”  
Chop started to apologize but Archie interrupted him. “You’re no better,” he said to Finn. “You’ve been dating Rae for longer than that, even though Izzy told you not to.”  
“Whoa, hold on—“  
“Don’t deny it,” said Chloe. “I caught you two shagging at a sleepover!”  
“You what?” said Izzy.  
“We were done by the time you found me, don’t make it sound worse than it is,” I said to Chloe.  
“I can’t believe you lied to me,” Izzy added towards me.  
“Hey, you lied to me as well! I didn’t know about you and Chop!”  
“Wait a minute,” said Chop. He pointed at Chloe and Archie. “So both of you knew about both relationships and were lying to everyone?”  
“Don’t turn this around on me, I’m not the one who went against Finn’s direct orders,” said Archie.  
“I still don’t get why you told them they couldn’t date me,” Izzy said to Finn.  
He rolled his head back and sighed. “Because I thought you and your mates would be hanging around all the time, which apparently is what’s happened.”  
“So you’ll sleep with my friends, but you don’t want to hang out with us?”  
“Look, I made that rule before…”  
“Before what?”  
“Before I knew you lot were alright, yeah?”  
“Then why are you always giving us such a hard time? Especially Rae, of all people.”  
“That was just to throw you off.”  
“Oh.”  
An awkward silence fell over the table and I eyed Chloe suspiciously. “You and Archie aren’t…?”  
She forced a laugh. “Of course not. Some of us have to be the mature ones around here.”  
“I’m sorry, Izzy,” I said, lowering my head.  
“I’m sorry, too,” Izzy replied, coming over to give me a hug.  
“So now this is all out in the open, yeah?” said Chop. “Does that mean we can all do things together without pretending we just happened to run into each other? Movie night on Saturday?”  
Everyone seemed agreeable to that, but Izzy added to Finn, “You’re still going to have to convince me you’re good enough for my Rae, though.”  
“Oh, don’t worry, Iz,” I said. “We’re both trash.”


End file.
